Relapse

I'm getting this terrible urge to relapse.

I feel so uncontrollably depressed... And I can't stop the hallucinations.

I know that if I was to use again, it would make these things go away. Heroin grounds me. It reminds me what is real and draws a line between reality and fantasy.

But I have to remind myself how horrible that life is. I need to remember how trapped I was. I need to remind myself how bad things got and look at my friends that are still using and realize how unrepairable things are becoming for them.

I'm tired of building and rebuilding only to tear it all back down.

I may not relapse now, but I am destined to do it again.

I am an addict. Nothing can ever change that.

Put a dress on a monkey and what does it become? A monkey in disguise.

That's all I am. An addict disguised as a regular civilian.