Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Damnit.
Wow. I really fucked up, didn't I? How could I go and do something so stupid. I actually had a fighting chance before... And now I have nothing. Fuck.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
New Connections.
It's funny how just a few weeks ago I was so upset. And now I feel perfectly fine. I've discovered a new breed of human, someone totally and completely different from anything I have ever encountered. I feel constantly surprised, suspenseful, on edge... Spontaneous. For once, I've met someone that intrigues me. Someone that I can't even begin to try and describe.
Not quite my type. And I'm not in love... But I want to know more about her. And I want to spend time with her. And I want to learn from her... And just being near her is a healing experience. I've finally met someone that truly astonishes me. And there's just something there... Something I can't read, beneath the surface. Something I can't begin to understand and I want desperately to do so.
The time we spend together is not romantic nor sexy nor enticing... Just hopeful and exciting and unique and special in a nonchalant kind of way. Wishing on shooting stars for each other on a hammock or just sitting under a tree discussing life in a general insensitive manner.
And we're not falling in love or lust... Just wasting time together, erasing and healing and mending and understanding and bonding. I've finally found a true companion, a friendship on the level that I was unknowingly searching for. And I think I've found someone that can possibly change my life for the better. Someone that has already impacted me and will most likely continue to do so.
I feel lucky. And perhaps I am ambitious in the kind of relationship I seem to be pushing for. But I'm certainly not trying to misinterpret anything. I just don't want this to slip away. I want to strengthen this friendship... Because I am truly grateful for every moment we spend together and every conversation we share. And I don't want to be greedy about it. I don't want more than she is willing to give me. I truly just want her to be a part of my life.
Not quite my type. And I'm not in love... But I want to know more about her. And I want to spend time with her. And I want to learn from her... And just being near her is a healing experience. I've finally met someone that truly astonishes me. And there's just something there... Something I can't read, beneath the surface. Something I can't begin to understand and I want desperately to do so.
The time we spend together is not romantic nor sexy nor enticing... Just hopeful and exciting and unique and special in a nonchalant kind of way. Wishing on shooting stars for each other on a hammock or just sitting under a tree discussing life in a general insensitive manner.
And we're not falling in love or lust... Just wasting time together, erasing and healing and mending and understanding and bonding. I've finally found a true companion, a friendship on the level that I was unknowingly searching for. And I think I've found someone that can possibly change my life for the better. Someone that has already impacted me and will most likely continue to do so.
I feel lucky. And perhaps I am ambitious in the kind of relationship I seem to be pushing for. But I'm certainly not trying to misinterpret anything. I just don't want this to slip away. I want to strengthen this friendship... Because I am truly grateful for every moment we spend together and every conversation we share. And I don't want to be greedy about it. I don't want more than she is willing to give me. I truly just want her to be a part of my life.
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