Spiral

Wow. I hate myself so much it's unbearable.

I can't wait to die. Feels like this is it. There's nothing to live for... Except the fight for happiness...
And I'm tired of losing the battle. Happiness simply won't lend itself to me.

Sometimes I don't care. Sometimes I feel nothing at all. And sometimes... I'm overwhelmed, I feel too much... And it hurts. My heart aches when I realize how completely alone I am.

My heart aches when I see I can't be like everyone else. My mind has expanded... There's no way to undo what has been done.

You will tell me that the people that care for me should be enough reason to stay alive...

But what does it matter? We all die eventually. Is it not selfish for them to force me to continue living in misery? I am going fucking insane. I am trapped. My mind has flung itself in the air and the stars are reeling it into a different space continuum.

Does that not scare you? Do you ever feel like that?
I feel it every day.

It hurts. Physically sometimes. Mentally every time. It's emotionally tolling. I've never before been so anxious and scared and upset.

When will it end? I want to be normal. And by normal... I mean I don't even want to depend on medication. Anti-psychotics... Yeah. That's really normal. Fuck it.

The only way is death. It is my savior, my solution.