Narcissism

When the pieces of this puzzle fall away, and the earth begins to shatter all around me... And I doubt the existence of people I talk to... I think of you. And I wonder if you're really there. And then I realize that you have to be... Because you take me for granted. How could you possibly be a figment of my imagination?

And why would I create someone that cannot love me the way I love them?

I'm becoming increasingly detached from this little thing called society... And it feels as though human connection is impossible. I'm losing myself. And progressively, my depression is consuming me. I think a lot about suicide. Jokingly sometimes. And other times; quite literally. I'm beginning to consider it in a supremely serious light.

Funny thing is; I'm really good at hiding it. No one doubts my smiles and my charisma. No one dares to pull the mask away, perhaps too afraid of what they will find. And it makes me lonelier than ever. Not a soul in which to confide. No where to unload my burden for a few moments.

I am beginning to like it this way. I realized I'm much too narcissistic. I want people to love me. And I want to love them in return. And the best way to do that... Is by eliminating my needs and wants first. Only then can I be there one hundred percent for the people I care about. And honestly, I've gotten quite fed up with myself. I can't even stand listening to my own thoughts. I get tired of all this me me me bullshit.

Isn't it a little strange? Self destruction is a form of narcissism... I want to destroy myself because I cannot stand to live this way any longer... Yet... I love myself too much to actually go through with it.